I feel like Harry Potter, and for once it's not teen angst

Last night, I had a terrible dream. I can't quite recall what happened that made it so terrible, but I woke up trembling, with this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that can only be described as a feeling of dread, or possibly doom. I keep getting that feeling, or a random shiver, and I'm not sure if I caught whatever nervous disorder Kylie has over Thanksgiving, or if some subconscious event (that of my dream) is goin' all psychosomatic on me. Or, perhaps it is dementors! I haven't noticed any frosty windows around the house (it's 70 degrees here), and eating chocolate doesn't work, so I guess not. Perhaps, though...

Anyhow, I haven't the foggiest what's really causing it. Maybe it's just Maryland. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I should try the chocolate one more time, just to be safe.

Why I stuffed my mouth with Kleenex at 2:40 last night

I can't sleep.

That came first. I came off a med or two, started up some new ones, and I can't sleep. Okay, fine. The doctor said that might happen. Sure, it's uncomfortable when four o' clock rolls around and I'm still tossing and turning, but cool. Whatever, I'll just take a nap tomorrow.

It continues. Three nights later, my problems start. Not sleep deprivation. Not even headaches. Nope.

Saliva.

It's only 11:30 on Tuesday night. I'm awake, no surprises here. But holy shit, I'm swallowing an awful lot. Hold on, maybe I'm just being paranoid, maybe it's just because I'm lying here with nothing else to think about except swallowing. That's it.

Gulp.

It's 3:45 now, and what the hell? I can't stop swallowing! Okay, everyone swallows their spit. I've always done it...so why is it happening so often, or why am I noticing so much? Maybe a drink of water will help.

Ugh!

The stuff's only tasted worse at wellgroup waiting for a urine sample. And that's saying something. It's probably just the meds. I'll get used to it. I fall asleep sometime after 4:30.

I'm fine.

Until Wednesday night. It happens again, only it starts in at nine, not eleven. I haven't even crawled into bed yet. Again, swallow...swallow...swallow...swallow...swallow...swallow...swallow...that's all my brain is doing. Telling me to swallow. I try to focus on other things, anything!

4:15

...swallow...swallow...swallow...swallow...swallow...swallow...swallow...swallow...
Somewhere along the line I drift off. 8:30, Mom calls upstairs, time to get up. And swallow.

No!

This went away after sleeping yesterday! Well, as crime fighters everywhere (or maybe just Buzz Lightyear) bellow at evil-doers: "Not today!!" And so ,as Gogol Bordello would say: "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!"

Twelve hours pass.

Still swallowing. And still not knowing if its the meds or I'm just crazy.

It's sleek and speedy. And not a Dell.

I imagine that it will echo in my dusty corner of cyberspace when this entry is posted. The space has long been empty. It will probably take several years for some intrepid explorers to uncover this post. The "Abandoned Blog" sign has scared most readers off long ago. But here it is, to be found tomorrow or next August: An update of Krissy's blog.

I've rediscovered the internet, it seems, after months of ignoring it. The principal reason behind my rediscovery is the computer I'm typing on. While not the apple I'd hoped for, my new Sony Vaio is certainly satisfactory. No more busted-up Dell with dial-up. Quite frankly, it's inspiring.

So that's what brings me back to the internet. Hopefully, I'll stay here, and not drift back into technological seclusion, but I can't say for sure...