Operation CBC EBV

18 December 2008:

8:30 AM

I am asleep. An alarm is set for 9:30. This allows me precisely one half-hour to wake, dress, and eat before leaving for a physical therapy appointment. I have no plans of being awake until that time. In fact, I have no plans whatsoever. This is due to my being asleep.

My mother places a phone call to Pediatric Associates of Ellicott City, inquiring about test results to see if I have mono. Since I am eighteen, she is unsuccessful.

9:00 AM

My mother, believing the hours before eleven AM to be the most crucial, wakes me. She requests that I call the Pediatric Associates of Ellicott City myself to get the results that she could not. I decline.

9:05 AM

My mother attempts to wake me again, although I have not yet fallen back asleep. I am tired. This is due to my lack of plans to be awake. Too fatigued to yell downstairs, I place a call from my cell phone.

9:07 AM

The house phone rings. My mother answers. This exchange follows:

Krissy: Why, mother, WHY, did you think it was a good idea to wake me up half an hour before I NEEDED to be up to ask me to make a NON-ESSENTIAL phone call that could just as easily be made half an hour later?

Carmen: Well, I just thought...

Krissy: WHY?

I hang up.

9:10 AM

I am unable to fall back asleep. I go downstairs. I ask for the phone number to the Pediatric Associates of Ellicott City.

9:15

After calling the Pediatric Associates of Ellicott City, I am still on hold. I tire of listening to smooth jazz selections from the Nutcracker Suite. I abandon my mission and get ready t go to physical therapy instead.

9:30

Afraid of the Pediatric Associates of Ellicott City returning my phone call while I am out, and risking their refusal to leave my test results on the answering machine or with my sister, I hatch a plan.

Krissy: Kylie, I have a spy mission for you.

Kylie: ...

Krissy: If the doctor's office calls while I am out, TELL THEM YOU ARE ME. They will give you my test results. WRITE THESE DOWN. Okay?

Kylie: Okay.

11:00 AM

I return home from physical therapy.

Krissy: KYLIE! Come down here and give me your spy report!

Kylie: Oh, um, well, okay, so, I told them I was you, but, then they wanted to know what the test was for, but I didn't know...

Krissy: Did you crack?! GOD, Kylie, you ALWAYS crack! You are a TERRIBLE spy!

Kylie: I didn't! I didn't! I stuck to the plan! I told them the fax number of your cardiologist, but they still wanted to know what the test was for. So, I just said I needed to ask my mom...

Carmen: You did the right thing, Kylie. WE'll just have to call back...

Krissy: You failed your spy mission. The man from Uncle would NOT be proud.

Kylie: I was given faulty intelligence!!

Krissy: There are no excuses for failed spy missions. I am going back to bed.

2:00 PM

I wake from my nap. My mother has attempted to call the Pediatric Associates of Ellicott City twice more to get my results. The first attempt was unsuccessful. On the second try, the mission was a success.

I had mono.