Operation CBC EBV

18 December 2008:

8:30 AM

I am asleep. An alarm is set for 9:30. This allows me precisely one half-hour to wake, dress, and eat before leaving for a physical therapy appointment. I have no plans of being awake until that time. In fact, I have no plans whatsoever. This is due to my being asleep.

My mother places a phone call to Pediatric Associates of Ellicott City, inquiring about test results to see if I have mono. Since I am eighteen, she is unsuccessful.

9:00 AM

My mother, believing the hours before eleven AM to be the most crucial, wakes me. She requests that I call the Pediatric Associates of Ellicott City myself to get the results that she could not. I decline.

9:05 AM

My mother attempts to wake me again, although I have not yet fallen back asleep. I am tired. This is due to my lack of plans to be awake. Too fatigued to yell downstairs, I place a call from my cell phone.

9:07 AM

The house phone rings. My mother answers. This exchange follows:

Krissy: Why, mother, WHY, did you think it was a good idea to wake me up half an hour before I NEEDED to be up to ask me to make a NON-ESSENTIAL phone call that could just as easily be made half an hour later?

Carmen: Well, I just thought...

Krissy: WHY?

I hang up.

9:10 AM

I am unable to fall back asleep. I go downstairs. I ask for the phone number to the Pediatric Associates of Ellicott City.

9:15

After calling the Pediatric Associates of Ellicott City, I am still on hold. I tire of listening to smooth jazz selections from the Nutcracker Suite. I abandon my mission and get ready t go to physical therapy instead.

9:30

Afraid of the Pediatric Associates of Ellicott City returning my phone call while I am out, and risking their refusal to leave my test results on the answering machine or with my sister, I hatch a plan.

Krissy: Kylie, I have a spy mission for you.

Kylie: ...

Krissy: If the doctor's office calls while I am out, TELL THEM YOU ARE ME. They will give you my test results. WRITE THESE DOWN. Okay?

Kylie: Okay.

11:00 AM

I return home from physical therapy.

Krissy: KYLIE! Come down here and give me your spy report!

Kylie: Oh, um, well, okay, so, I told them I was you, but, then they wanted to know what the test was for, but I didn't know...

Krissy: Did you crack?! GOD, Kylie, you ALWAYS crack! You are a TERRIBLE spy!

Kylie: I didn't! I didn't! I stuck to the plan! I told them the fax number of your cardiologist, but they still wanted to know what the test was for. So, I just said I needed to ask my mom...

Carmen: You did the right thing, Kylie. WE'll just have to call back...

Krissy: You failed your spy mission. The man from Uncle would NOT be proud.

Kylie: I was given faulty intelligence!!

Krissy: There are no excuses for failed spy missions. I am going back to bed.

2:00 PM

I wake from my nap. My mother has attempted to call the Pediatric Associates of Ellicott City twice more to get my results. The first attempt was unsuccessful. On the second try, the mission was a success.

I had mono.

I Got Rhythm

You (if there is a "you" anymore for this blog) will not likely be surprised to learn that I have returned to blogging only because I am stuck at home. You will also likely assume that I am stuck at home because of medical complications. As it happens, you are right.

Postural tachycardia syndrome (POTS) and neurally mediated hypotension (NMH) are at it again, those rascally disorders responsible for such hilarious hijinks as "In the ER Again" and "Passed Out on the Pavement"! They're back and better than ever, this time sending me home from college early with incompletes in all of my classes. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm used to this stuff! I was expelled from my high school because of this stuff. I spent a year not leaving my house because of this stuff. I went to community college for a year because of this stuff. This stuff didn't jump out from behind the shrubbery and surprise me one foggy evening.

Excluding the element of surprise, though, does not make POTS and NMH significantly more manageable. For whatever reason, no matter how many times I explain to the paramedic that I KNOW what's wrong with me, and I DON'T need to go to the hospital, they never seem to trust the trembling eighteen year-old that is lying on the floor of the classroom that they arrived to find unconscious and convulsing. Go figure.

What all of this means, and what I'm getting to, is that I'm back and at it again-- new medications! After altering the dosage of something I'm already on (Florinef), it has been determined that new and different classes of medications will be required to treat my symptoms. That's where Norpace comes in.

Norpace is an antiarrhythmic drug that works by blocking certain signals to the heart that may cause it to beat abnormally fast. It's kind of an intense drug, usually administered in hospitals to patients with life-threatening ventrical tachycardia. It is not recommended for minor conditions. It is not designed to treat the conditions that I posses. It can (rarely) cause congestive heart failure since it, you know, is messing with the heart and its beating. Naturally, I am totally excited to start this medication.

I mean it!I am! Even though new drugs often result in my inability to eat solid foods, sleep, and walk around the house, I am absolutely, legitimately excited to start messing with meds again. In a strange way, I really do enjoy seeing my doctors at Hopkins. Dr. Peter Rowe (my cardiologist) is very possibly the most brilliant and kind physician I have ever had the privilege of working with, not to mention his delightfully sharp wit. I end up feeling very honored to be seen by a doctor who spends his time researching, lecturing, and practicing on some of the most interesting and complicated medical cases in the country. It is even more exciting for me to be prescribed drugs whose effects on me may assist his research and understanding of medicine. I feel terribly important. And, as they always say, self-importance is the best medicine.

Kind of.

If you would like to give me presents

I would very much like this teapot...

Seasonal Affective Disorder

It is quiet and muggy today, and being awake seems like more work than necessary. I've eaten, run an errand, and wasted away on the internet for hours. That's it. I'm resisting the urge (which I typically give in to) to take a nap, and to wake up at eight or so, when I can eat dinner and watch television and call it a day. I'm resisting for a number of reasons, one being that I spent approximately ALL of last week sleeping or near sleep, and in doing so destroyed any chance I had at a restful and effective sleep cycle.

So. No naps. This has meant internet for the majority of the afternoon. I'm bored, though, of siting in one place and being passive. I kind of want to make something. I want to set a table or assemble a salad or frost a cake.

Oh, mannn do I want to frost a cake! With really fluffy, thick, frosting. I want to rotate a cake stand and swirl a spatula and put some mint and berries on top...but the kitchen is kind of a mess. And I'm not really hungry. And were I hungry, I really don't need any cake. Hmmm.

So what to do? I think I'd like to play badminton, but that requires an opponent (How do only children ever get by?)...I don't know. I want to do eight million things but simultaneously have nothing to do.

It feels like summer...

I'm basically a doctor

So. If you have a fever and a cool, damp cloth just isn't cutting it, I recommend slathering yourself in peppermint oil lotion. Then you will be cool and tingly.

BONUS! The scent of peppermint is good for nausea!

IMPORTANT ISSUES

I am wearing pants today.

I just ate a Reuben sandwich.

I am desperately trying to think of IMPORTANT ISSUES that I can address on my blog instead of doing my homework. Because, you know, if they were IMPORTANT enough, it would justify it. Unfortunately, while me wearing pants is surprising (I have pretty much only worn dresses for the last six months) and Reuben sandwiches are pretty delicious (I think so, at least), I'm not sure they qualify as IMPORTANT ISSUES.

Now, you may have noticed my capitalization of IMPORTANT ISSUES. This is because the internet says that if you capitalize things, your statement has more impact. Thus, it is more important.

So I am going to try this again...

I AM WEARING PANTS TODAY.

I JUST ATE A REUBEN SANDWICH.

Now I feel okay about doing this instead of writing a philosophy paper.

Ask me about 19th century American Locomotives!

I bought this scarf so people will think I'm a train enthusiast.

I'm wearing it today, and I hope people ask me about "George S. Griggs in 1854". That's my favorite train.

You can't carouse in skinny jeans

I had sailor pants. Sailor jeans, actually, but they were still cool. They had wide legs and buttons, and I was all set for drunken carousing.

Somehow, they are now too big. I bought them 2 weeks ago. I've worn them once. This is the saddest tale of losing weight that I've ever heard, really.

WASTED SAILOR PANTS!

This is some tragic stuff.

Why Why Why Do I feel compelled to intellectually prove myself?

Tomorrow I need to write a research paper to be presented at an undergraduate philosophy conference alongside seniors from such legitimate institutions as Johns Hopkins. Who are philosophy majors. And much smarter than me. Who didn't just sign up because their religion professor flattered them. Also: they may have done legitimate research/know what they are talking about. The official program of this conference, for which I am not even close to being prepared for, follows:





Villa Julie College

presents the

8th Annual Undergraduate Conference

Bodies Sacred and

Profane




Wednesday, April 16, 2008

9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.

St. Paul Companies Pavilion



Sponsored by the

Humanities & Public History Department




9:00 Registration and refreshments

9:15 Welcome, Dr. Paul Lack, Vice-President and Academic Dean of Villa Julie College

Introduction: Alex Hooke, Conference Chair

9:30-10:15 Session I: Sacrifice and Alienation

Moderator: Esther Horrocks, (Chair of Interdisciplinary Studies, Villa Julie College)

1. Salmah Y. Rizvi (Senior, Anthropology/International Relations

Johns Hopkins University)

“On Suicide Bombers”

2. Keith Burton (Senior, Philosophy,Towson University)

“Alienation”

3. Celsus Robert (Senior, Social Relations/Criminal Justice, Cheyney University)

“Should Juveniles Be Treated as Adults in Criminal Matters?”

10:15-11:00 Session II: Beauty

Moderator: (Christine Noya, 3.

1. Chipo Siantumba (Junior, Business Adm., Cheyney)

“The Human Body: A Canvas of Artistic Expressions”

2. Elizabeth Cucchiella (Junior, Interdisciplinary Studies, Villa Julie College)

“Grin and Bare It: The Face of the Exotic Dancer”

3. Stuart Knazik, (Sophomore, Philosophy/Religious Studies, Howard CC)

“Every Breath We Breathe is a Miracle: The Visionary Work of Alex Grey”

11:00-11:45 Session III: Affirmations and Violations

Moderator: Ann Arbaugh (Alumni, Accountant, Villa Julie College)

1. Jennifer Pecor (Junior, Philosophy, The College of Notre Dame)

“Environmental Existentialism and the Human Body”

2. Annmicha Blugh (Junior, English, Morgan State University)

“Sanctity and Violation of the Body in Christianity and Islam”

3. Virginia Petrucci (Junior, Interdisciplinary Studies/Film, Villa Julie),

“Friends as Meals”

11:45–12:15 BREAK Presentation of Certificates

Lunch provided for presenters and their guests



12:15–1:00 Session IV: Images and IDEAS

Moderator: Robert Chee-Mooke (Asst. Professor of Philosophy, Villa Julie)

1. Kia-Lillian Hayes, (First year graduate student, Masters of Professional Studies Program , Georgetown University)

”” Blatant Lies and Intentional Deception: Media and Moral Obligations”

2. Choshena Bhagwandin (Senior, Chemistry, Villa Julie) ”

“The Perfect Smile”

3. Kristen Carpenter (Sophomore, General Studies, Howard CC)

“Physicians and Friars; How Greek Science and Early Christianity Shaped the Medieval Woman”

1:00–1:40 SESSION V: Sexes/Objects/Toys/Cyborgs

A Goucher College Panel Discussion

1. Derek Ford, (Senior, Philosophy)

"Cyborgs in Exodus"

2. Rachel Wilkins, (Senior, Philosophy)

“The Historicity and Re-Writing of the Sexed Body, Sex Toys and Sexual

Agony”

3. Michelle Kurta, (Senior, Peace Studies)

“The Pregnant Body, The Docile Body, The Useful Body”

1:40-2:00 Session VI: Panel on Location and Space

Moderator: Richard C. Monk (Professor of Criminal Justice, Retired, Coppin)

1. Chioma Uqwveabulem (Junior, Communication/English, Cheyney)

“The Feminine Body in the Igbo’s Perspective”

2. Jeremy Mann (Junior, Mass Communication, Towson)

‘Homecoming: A Personal Inquiry Into Location, Space and Angst”

2:00–2:45 SESSION VI: Powers of The Gaze

1. Chidi Okpalaoquchi (Junior, CIS/Mathmatics, Cheyney)

“The Influence of the Eyes on Moral Perception and Inclination”

2. Jessica Rachid (Senior, Interdisciplinary Studies, Villa Julie)

‘I See Me”

3. Kyla Bender- Baird, (Master’s Candidate, Women’s Studies,Towson)

“Gender Anxiety and Abject Bodies”


3:00 KEYNOTE SPEAKER

Moderators; Manminder Singh, Kellie Smith (Seniors, Science, Co-Chairs of Philosophy Club, Villa Julie College)

Alphonso Lingis (Professor of Philosophy Emeritus, Pennsylvania State University)

“Love Junkies”


Woo! It's a good thing I am so experienced with failure...it will come in handy, I'm sure.

Above the Store

Patty is my grandmother. The location is Quincy, Michigan, and this store is arguably one of the most influential places in my life. I grew up playing hide-and-seek in racks of wedding gowns and being babysat by employees, playing in dressing rooms. I can't possibly begin to explain how the store's physical qualities-- its rooms, staircases, wallpaper-- have influenced the aesthetics of my imagination.

Out of all the fantastic spaces in the store, upstairs is by far (in my mind) the best. Formerly apartments, interior walls have been torn down, windows boarded up (covered by the faux-stucco facade), and a place where families used to live their lives is now "storage". As depressing as that sounds, it's kind of fantastic. The following photos far from do the space justice, mostly owing to poor lighting and my incompetency, but it's something. I might steal some photos from Kylie, too, as she has a bit more skill with the camera...











*

*A note on this one: My mother, who "never did drugs" painted this "when she was a kid" Mmhmm...


Hole in the floor


Hole in the ceiling

I am solving all of my problems

I hate the shoe cliche. If anybody ever gives me a novelty plaque that says "If the shoe fits...buy it in every color!" or a calendar with a different pair of 6-inch heels on it for every month, I'm going to be pretty pissed. This is a problem because I absolutely fit the shoe cliche, the shopping cliche, the "give me some peep-toe pumps and a piece of chocolate and I'll be happy" cliche. THERE ARE NOVELTY FIGURINES AND CROSS-STITCHES THAT APPLY TO MY LIFE.





This is unacceptable. I am WAY too pretentious to acknowledge that I may have something in common with the so-called fashionistas of mainstream middle America.

Naturally, I had to do something about this. Abandoning my shoe collection, or even ceasing to expand it, really wasn't an option for me. Instead, I bought these:



See? They are totally practical and almost ugly (I'll still wear them with dresses, though). Shoes bought entirely for their functionality.

They don't make motherfucking cross-stitches for that.

Happy Philospher Death Day!

So, technically it is no longer March 7th, because it is 2:26 AM, BUT, this news is too exciting/essential to your life that I need to blog about it.

It is Philosopher Death Day!! The greatest holiday since Leif Erickson Day, clearly!

Both Aristotle AND Thomas Aquinas died on March seventh. And like, Thomas Aquinas was totally influenced by Aristotle. So. This is significant. People should be having parties and getting drunk and eating traditional foods on this day.





But seriously, do they know the actual date of Aristotle's death? Foreal?

Take it from me

Tip of the week:

If you are not interested in feeling like a horrible human being, don't watch The Last King of Scotland and then go to the mall.

What I did yesterday OR How to be a productive member of society

My clothing is now mysterious and intriguing.

I have a really stupid habit of, in a burst of misguided creativity, taking scissors to my clothes and mangling them beyond repair...Altering the neckline of a T-shirt becomes completely removing any traces of a neckline, or any features (sleeves) that would otherwise indicate the intended function of the piece of fabric. This is not an isolated incident. I've lost dresses (cut too short), ruined tights (I couldn't find a pair of leggings, so I cut the feet out), and much more.

Today, I almost lost a skirt. I was sick of its asymmetrical hem, and since it was jersey (that means it won't fray if there isn't a sewn hem), I decided that I could just even it out a bit, no problem. I was about to put scissor to cloth, and I reconsidered. This was obviously not going to end well. Knowing me, I would end up cutting so much of the skirt off in attempts to straighten it out that I would end up with a really even jersey belt.

Instead, I cut the tags out of the skirt. Don't ask me why. They weren't particularly obtrusive, just your standard sewn-in tags. But it was satisfying. Bits of cloth fell to the floor. I decided to cut the tags out of a dress I saw hanging nearby. Then it was a cardigan.

Naturally, my garbage can is now full of dozens of little cloth bits saying things like "H&M" and "Size Medium". At least now the Forever21 dress hanging next to the silk Ralph Lauren won't develop an inferiority complex.

6. I lie about myself to gain street cred.

Things you Probably Do Not know About Me

Or Maybe You Already Do

1. I own running shoes. They have been worn.

2. I think that I can tap-dance (I have realized that I actually can't, but continue to self-identify with tap-dancers)

3. I have a cardigan fetish. It's pretty serious. I've recently realized that I am totally attracted to ANY male wearing a well-fitted cardigan.

4. My sense of time is entirely dependent on meals.

5. I have a gunshot wound in my left thigh.

It was bound to happen (And you probably saw it coming)

I just sat staring at the computer trying to think of what to blog about for so long that the screensaver came on. Clearly, my life has reached a new and infathomable level of awesome. There is absolutely no other explaination.

I might possibly sort of be making friends. It's too early to say for sure, but it might be happening...

Ow ow! (and it's not because you look good)

So apparently our insurance company is refusing to pay for my physical therapy because it isn't "medically necessary". But the fact that a 2-inch portion of my spine does all the bending, and can only bend one way, and the fact that my hypermobile hips could dislocate at any given time, and the fact that bending my neck back consistently pinches a nerve kind of sound like medically necessary reasons to me.

But hey, what do I know? I'll just get back on the oxycontin for the chronic pain. No prob.