Tuesday, February 19, 2008

My clothing is now mysterious and intriguing.

I have a really stupid habit of, in a burst of misguided creativity, taking scissors to my clothes and mangling them beyond repair...Altering the neckline of a T-shirt becomes completely removing any traces of a neckline, or any features (sleeves) that would otherwise indicate the intended function of the piece of fabric. This is not an isolated incident. I've lost dresses (cut too short), ruined tights (I couldn't find a pair of leggings, so I cut the feet out), and much more.

Today, I almost lost a skirt. I was sick of its asymmetrical hem, and since it was jersey (that means it won't fray if there isn't a sewn hem), I decided that I could just even it out a bit, no problem. I was about to put scissor to cloth, and I reconsidered. This was obviously not going to end well. Knowing me, I would end up cutting so much of the skirt off in attempts to straighten it out that I would end up with a really even jersey belt.

Instead, I cut the tags out of the skirt. Don't ask me why. They weren't particularly obtrusive, just your standard sewn-in tags. But it was satisfying. Bits of cloth fell to the floor. I decided to cut the tags out of a dress I saw hanging nearby. Then it was a cardigan.

Naturally, my garbage can is now full of dozens of little cloth bits saying things like "H&M" and "Size Medium". At least now the Forever21 dress hanging next to the silk Ralph Lauren won't develop an inferiority complex.

Monday, February 18, 2008

6. I lie about myself to gain street cred.

Things you Probably Do Not know About Me

Or Maybe You Already Do

1. I own running shoes. They have been worn.

2. I think that I can tap-dance (I have realized that I actually can't, but continue to self-identify with tap-dancers)

3. I have a cardigan fetish. It's pretty serious. I've recently realized that I am totally attracted to ANY male wearing a well-fitted cardigan.

4. My sense of time is entirely dependent on meals.

5. I have a gunshot wound in my left thigh.

Friday, February 08, 2008

It was bound to happen (And you probably saw it coming)

I just sat staring at the computer trying to think of what to blog about for so long that the screensaver came on. Clearly, my life has reached a new and infathomable level of awesome. There is absolutely no other explaination.