I am solving all of my problems

I hate the shoe cliche. If anybody ever gives me a novelty plaque that says "If the shoe fits...buy it in every color!" or a calendar with a different pair of 6-inch heels on it for every month, I'm going to be pretty pissed. This is a problem because I absolutely fit the shoe cliche, the shopping cliche, the "give me some peep-toe pumps and a piece of chocolate and I'll be happy" cliche. THERE ARE NOVELTY FIGURINES AND CROSS-STITCHES THAT APPLY TO MY LIFE.





This is unacceptable. I am WAY too pretentious to acknowledge that I may have something in common with the so-called fashionistas of mainstream middle America.

Naturally, I had to do something about this. Abandoning my shoe collection, or even ceasing to expand it, really wasn't an option for me. Instead, I bought these:



See? They are totally practical and almost ugly (I'll still wear them with dresses, though). Shoes bought entirely for their functionality.

They don't make motherfucking cross-stitches for that.